Top Jack Bauer Facts

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#689 3.03 A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar... and Jack Bauer is going to find out why...
#300 3.02 Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interogated and killed.
#428 3.02 Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.
#81 3.01 Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why there's no life on Mars.
#478 3.01 Jack Bauer is the reason Waldo is hiding.
#1000 3.00 Jack Bauer found Bin Laden. Let him go, and found him again for his own amusment.
#378 3.00 On Jack Bauers Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependants.
#56 3.00 Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
#903 3.00 During a trip to Seattle, Jack Bauer heard Grunge music for the first time and thought it sucked. Three days later, Kurt Cobain was dead.
#569 2.99 Jack Bauer can eat just one Lay's Potato Chip. Don't tell Jack what he can't fucking do.
#823 2.99 Jack Bauer doesn't dodge bullets. Bullets dodge Jack Bauer.
#544 2.99 Jack Bauer doesn't drink honey, he chews bees.
#851 2.99 If Jack Bauer were gay, he would be Chuck Norris
#1414 2.99 Jack Bauer snapped a store clerk in half because he had said "Have a nice day!" Nobody tells Jack Bauer what to do.
#1424 2.99 Jack Bauer doesn't read a book. He tortures it until he has all the information he needs.
#111 2.97 Jack Bauer doesn't cut his grass, he stares at it and dares it to grow.
#52 2.96 Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
#545 2.96 Jack Bauer kills so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 on the world most wanted list was a kid from Malasia that downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
#163 2.95 Jack Bauer's poker face is so good he once won a game of poker with monopoly money, an eight card from uno, a joker, a visa card, a tissue, and an iPod nano.
#515 2.95 It took God six days to get His job done; Jack has 24 hours.
#1411 2.95 If Jack Bauer were gay his name would be Steven Seagal.
#120 2.94 It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
#637 2.93 Jack Bauer can go more than 24 hours without eating or taking a dump. If you doubt this, there is over 96 hours of video footage to back it up.
#704 2.93 Everytime you masturbate, Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you were masturbating, but because that is how often Jack Bauer kills terrorists
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